Fabulously Over 40

The majority of my coaching is done by phone which means that I don’t have to tidy my office or change out of my comfy shoes. So with a client coming over Monday at 9am I had to quickly go through my mental checklist to make sure that I was ready. Coffee pot on, files & books straightened into neat piles, quick dust, clean hand towel & fresh soap in the office bathroom, resources that she had sent me put into her file along with my notes, change shoes ……check.

Now while doing this Duke (aging, semi-neurotic chocolate lab) has been following me around. So I switch to the dog’s check list………walked, fed, water changed, toys at the ready and he didn’t look like an unmentionable body fluids where about to erupt from either end. So I stopped rushing and processing for a minute, put my hand on his face and asked him what his problem was. He then quietly leaned into me and let out a small contented sound. All he wanted was a few minutes of attention; to be stroked & loved…. this was a reminder to me that we don’t put love on a to-do list.

In between clients while I am writing or or doing administrative work I usually have a news channel such as the BBC or CNN on. This was the case when the second and  much more sombre occurrence happened this week. I am referring to the death of Neda Agha Soltan. The announcer quietly issues a warning about how disturbing the footage was.  At first I sat unsure of how to process the image that was unfolding before me thousand of miles away. Then I did the only thing that I could do, I stood. Alone and in the middle of my office I stood up in quiet homage to a young woman who would never see another sun rise and then I wept.

I love words whether written, spoken or sung they have power. They can expand us with knowledge or debilitate us with emotion. The art of communication isn’t in the number of words used, as less wordage & fewer sentences often enables us to process the genuineness of character or content without clutter. Well informed people know that it is best to keep their answers brief and to the point. When you give a confident woman a compliment she merely smiles and says ‘thank-you’.

My respect for words leaves me with a dislike for anything that has a whiff of censorship. If you don’t like the words discard the book, leave the theater or change the channel.  It is in that context that I find myself in the surprising position of agreeing with Sarah Palin when she took offense to David Letterman’s recent joke. The content of that part of his monologue  left a bitter taste that even changing the channel didn’t erase. He has apologized and Palin accepted the apology in a 94 word statement in which she even managed to even make mention of the US military. Perhaps a short ‘I accept your apology’ would have been more appropriate and a little less opportunistic or better yet maybe a tweet would be good practice for the always wordy Ms. Palin.

The world of words has changed even in the short period of time since she ran for vice-president. Political protests are being covered in 140 characters, iconic newspapers no longer exist and this summer people will be enjoying there favorite beach book on devices like Kindle.

I had better end this post before I too am overly wordy or as a writer friend of mine emailed me this week while gathering research for an upcoming article ……….sometimes it is better to shut up, stop writing and listen.

We all occasionally day dream about what life would be like if aunt Bertha (the aunt we never knew we had) passed away and left us a small fortune.   My own dream takes the shape of  travel, work and learning.

After touring some of the world’s best wineries, a week at a fabulous Spa, the train trip through England, Scotland & Ireland and shopping in Hong Kong; I would move to a town with a really good university and take courses in political science, international relations, women’s studies. While absorbing all this new knowledge I would work on expanding my coaching practice & online magazine because for me that all speaks to a life well lead.

In the meantime until Aunt Berta does pass way I have found some websites that provide online university lectures.  I am currently working my way through the ones from the Harvard School of Business.

YouTube Edu

AcademicEarth.org

TED.com

OpenCourseWare Consortium

Dare I say it but now that no one is commenting on her hair and clothes she looks great. Bold suits, chunky jewelry and the hair is just doing it’s own thing. She has found that she can play well with others and life is good all in all.

Yes, Hillary Clinton is a contented woman. History seems to have written itself in the right way, at least for now. We see her getting off airplanes in some foreign country ready for  whatever and whoever awaits her. Sometimes the reception is a chilly handshake, sometimes a two cheek kiss and I have even observed a few bear hugs when the person at the bottom of the stairs knows her. She is taking it all in stride and relishing every moment.

Ms. Clinton has paid her dues time and time again in the court of public opinion and now she is rewarded for her perseverance and dignity but it is more than that; her approval ratings are high and she is the right person for the job.

Where’s Bill these days? Last time I saw his name it was on the guest list for the Rachael Ray Show. And I’m not touching that one!

1. Turn off the TV and computer
2. Take every opportunity to travel
3. Don’t allow yourself to be controlled
4. Laugh a lot & be spontaneous
5. Volunteer or work for less money if you are passionate about something
6. Be open to new people, food and experiences
7. Be creative, use your imagination
8. Record your life - Keep a  journal or take photographs
9. Enjoy being independent
10. Be wary of credit cards
11. Love with honesty and respect

Have no fear, make mistakes & live in the center of your life

It doesn’t take long to figure out that I am an animal lover. My loving but neurotic lab is a rescue and lying around the house there are five now contented cats who were all strays, each with their own stories of mistreatment.  I too was horrified by the Michael Vick episode, so it may be a surprise when I write that enough is enough.

He has served his 19 months in prison and is currently under house confinement until July 20th. We should then allow him to get on with his life, which in all probability will never be the same over paid, over indulgent, arrogant,  ‘I can do anything I want’  lifestyle that contributed to his decline.

Society imposes punishment so that when time has been served not only has the individual paid the penalty for their deed but (even though it sounds cliche) they have hopefully also learnt something.  Upon release an opportunity to reshape their future should be allowed.

While in prison, apparently Vick met with the president of The Humane Society of the United States and wants to work on a program aimed at eradicating dog fighting among urban teens. Whatever happens in the months to come whether you choose to call it redemption or recovery it will all have to take place on many levels of Michael Vick’s life. The public needs to be careful that it does not over play the role of the self-righteous and unforgiving. We also cannot keep re-trying him in the media.

He may or may not choose to become the face for abolishing pitbull fighting but if we don’t give him some time and space we will never know.

I have recently read a number of articles by women who write that they suddenly feel invisible. They are the ‘beautiful’ women who had a somewhat charmed life; one in which they were accustomed to getting attention and being admired. For the rest of us there were different life lessons. How to walk into a room with confidence, what clothes work, the importance of being self-assured  and that with a handshake, warm smile and eye contact you can connect with anyone. Over the years we didn’t just survive but we thrived and succeeded.

I want to remind those ‘invisible’ women; we are not the generation that ‘goes quietly into the night’.  So shoulders back, head up and find your articulate midlife voice. I am not invisible in stores,  people listen when I speak and last time I was in Starbucks I had a very engaging conversation with a young man when we both reached for the stirsticks at the same time, mind you it was a very good hair day.

It is difficult these days not to see Elizabeth Edwards when we turn on the television. The interviewer is  reading an excerpt from her book “Resilience” with that tone of voice reserved for the sick person in hospital, asking gently worded questions and providing the viewer with a soapy interview.

I know she is the victim of an extra marital affair and I know that she is ill with breast cancer. I cannot nor do not judge how she handles these things. In these matters my affiliation is firmly with the ‘what goes on behind closed doors’ party.

What is perturbing is why she supported and campaigned for John Edwards to be President of the United States after he told her about the affair. Why, in spite of this knowledge did she sally forth, endorsing her husband as the right man for the job. Why did she cast herself as the loyal wife in the tableau of the wholesome American family?

By making the decision to submit herself and her family to this renewed public scrutiny, she should be accountable for that period in time. As Roger Simons asks in his article “Did Elizabeth Edwards want to get into the White House as badly as John Edwards did?”

I counter that with this question “Is Elizabeth Edwards again using the American public this time to garner book sales?”

Caryl Rivers in her Huffington Post article writes that she should be allowed to tell her story, to “have her say”. Funny that she has so much to say now but the truth was oddly silent during the ‘08 Presidential campaign.